Thanksgiving and 23 months!

Hayden yesterday was your first thanksgiving and Pierce yesterday was your second thanksgiving! It was wonderful with both of you! Things are so different now that we have two boys but it was wonderful. We went to Nanny and Poppy Dyals for the first part and had a big lunch. It was lots of fun all your great aunts and uncles just love both you boys! You also love your cousins so much Nathan and Jared. Nathan has givin you his four wheeler Pierce and you love it so much! You are a great driver of it and you also are a super sports star! Hayden you were happy as a lark as long as your belly was full and you were getting tons of attention. You are very needy but thats ok!

After the Dyals we went to Aunt Terry's and Uncle Dales to meet up with Daddys side of the family! We played outside and left shortly after to go to your grandma Fuller's house. You love your cousins Ethan, Xavier and Zach! you are so funny little boy! You just love to play play play! Hayden they call you angry baby and thats because everytime you are in your carseat you scream. Its NON STOP!! Its a little crazy but I guess we will keep yoU! :-). j/k we adore you Hayden!

Pierce tomorrow we are celebrating your 2 year birthday even though you are going to be only 23 months! We want you to have a special day just for you there is no competeing with Jesus's birthday don't you know! It is at our house so I have been busy planning cleaning and everything in between! We are so excited to celebrate this special day with you! You are a big brother our first born and the love of our lives! I love you Pierce and I love you Hayden! You both are amazing and I am so thankful for you guys!! Can't wait to spend the next 80 years with you boys!

Love your mama!

Life Changes

My life has changed drastically over the last few days. My hubby decided I should no longer work the part time that I am because I need to be home to care for the kids. This has been so hard for me. I only worked 2 half days a week but it was my time to get away, to dress up, to have adult interaction, to run the few errands I needed to on my way home and it provided mine and the littles insurance. So not working has been a major change... Its been hard. Its been an adjustment just the realization that now we really will have to count our pennies, that I won't get the breaks that I need/want and that we will now have to pay out of pocket for insurance.

So now that we are paying out of pocket for insurance I no longer have maternity insurance. I think the finality that right now and no where in the future do we see having any more children even a possiblity is very hard for me. Its sad. It makes me want to cry but I know thats just the way it has to be.

So I was thinking as I was gazing at my sweet little boys laying in bed. That had Hayden not come when he did (aka not planned) that he may never be here and no other children may ever be here. When I was five months pregnant My sales job had been sold so we got an enourmous pay cut, than my hubby asked me to not work, and now we don't have maternity insurance and could have never afforded it to even have another child. So what I am saying is that God knew that Hayden needed to come when he did or he would have never been part of this family. I love this little boy so much. I think it makes me so thankful because in the beginning I had so much guilt about having him about stealing Pierces childhood away b/c I was having another baby so close to his age. I felt guilty also because I felt I didn't deserve to have a healthy baby when on the same exact day that I found out that I was having a healthy perfect little baby my brother and sister in law were finding out that their precious baby girl had passed away in her womb from horrible chromosonal disorders at 20 weeks. I felt guilt more than I could ever express. I felt that I could not possibly love another child as much as I love Pierce. I just didn't think I could do it. I had these feelings up until even a few weeks after he was born. I dealt with some PPD and had such a hard time bonding with him. I loved Hayden but I wasn't "in love" with him like I was instantly with Pierce. But than the fog lifted my head cleared and I fell in love with this beautiful, harry headed little boy and I could not feel more blessed. I can't believe that if it had been MY choice I would not have had another child yet which would have possibly mean't I may have never had any more at all. Thank you Jesus for knowing more than I know. Thank you for knowing the future and knowing how our lives and financial stability would change. Thank you for knowing that I WOULD love Hayden more than I could ever imagine and that everytime I look at that huge gummy smile I just want to eat him up.

My life is beautiful it may not have gone exactly how I would have planned but it is beautiful and its my new life. Its a life where I am home with my kids where I am available not only to my kids but to my husband. I just pray that I can be an even better mom that I will find the outlets that I need to have adult interaction and that during the day when I want to rush around and need to get things done that I will STOP... hug my kids a little closer, go a little slower and just soak up EVERY single precious moment that I have with these boys. Before I know it they will be big strong tall boys who will be able to bear hug and lift their mommy off the ground. But until than I want to be the one to do the lifting, the tear wiping, the hugging the kissing, the praying and that thanking. For I am blessed. Blessed more than my wildest dreams and imaginations....

Little 3 month old monster!

Oh my little Hayden. You are now three months old today. You are such a joy. I never knew I could love another little boy as much as I do. You are such a little sweetie. You smile constantly. You tried you first bite of baby oatmeal on October 31 and you also did your first giggle. Your giggles are few and far between but when you do them they are beautiful. For your first holiday Halloween you and your brother dressed up as Chickens! IT was adorable.

Hayden I adore you your little personality has started to shine. You really love to be held constantly. You are a fantastic nurser! You are a wonderful night time sleeper. You aren't such a great napper but thats ok atleast you sleep through the night. It makes it quite difficult to get things done during the day when you need me to hold you all the time but I know I need to enjoy these moment because before I know it you won't want me at all to hold you.

Your brother has come to really adore you. I now but you in the highchair when we are in the kitchen and your brother pulls you close to him and tells you he loves you over and over. It melts my heart. I hope you and your brother will be best friends. He can always make you smile and I can't wait till you guys can play together. Well little boy we adore an dlove you and can't wait for many more firsts that will come with you. Oh you also set up by yourself for a few seconds on October 31. Apparently that was a big day for you~!

We love you Hayden Jackson!!! Thank you for being our second born we are soooo blessed.

Pierce my 22 month old!

Oh my little/big boy how much you have changed. I adore you more everyday you are the light in my eye you are the joy in my heart you are my adorable will Pierce. You are so much fun now of days and I can't help but jump for joy when I realize how blessed I am to be your mom. You light up my life in so many ways and I am so thankful. You have grown to adore you little brother Hayden. You run to him every morning to give him a kiss. You try desperatly to share your food with him... even though mommy doesn't want you to :-). You bring him a paci in hopes he will take it, you share your monkey to comfort him when he is crying. You hug him with all your might. The other night while you layed on bed drinking your milk and Hayden laid in my arms you brought your fingers through his hair over and over. IT was a tender moment and it melted my heart. I adore you little boy.

You speak so much now. You know lots and lots of words. My favorite words to hear you say are Daddy, milk and "luv Loo" for love you. Those are just three of my favorites. You say almost every single word that I ask you to say. ONe of the most precious things you do is everytime we drive by church which is where you go to school and where we go to worship God you yell "home". It mealts my heart I want you to ALWAYS think of church as your home because home is where your heart is and I pray that God is in your heart and that you will love God with all of your heart one day. When we are in the car and listening to christian radio you always sing to the music its the best because I know the Words of the Lord are writing on your heart! You have a very special soul! You absolutly still adore your Daddy. Your relationship with him is sooo special and I hope it stays that way. You are the light in his eye as well. We are both so proud of your athletic abilites as well. We think you are pretty special you are an awesome thrower, jumper, ball kicker and everything in between! You are pretty awesome!

Here is a day in your life...
8:00 you wake up eat breakfast and we get ready for the day...

We than either go to the park or if you have school we go to school. You love Shayla who you call "lala" you can't wait to see her and you yell for her often!

After school or park you eat your lunch which is ALWAY a Peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I give you a bottle of milk and you go to bed.

After nap we play around the house for an hour or so than we go for a long walk or bike ride. After our bike ride or walk we eat dinner.

After dinner we do bath and than we lay on Mommy's bed and watch cartoons drink your milk and play. I love our life. I love our life with you in it. I love you little boy.

Sometimes the days seem long but I would never ask for a day without you in it. You really are the little boy that I adore and that was always mean't to be mine. Pierce thank you for loving your mommy, daddy and brother. You are the best little thing and I am so thankful for you.

We love you lots!

Hayden you are 2 months old!

I can't believe 2 months have gone by since you came into our lives! You are such a little sweetie! You are doing so much more these days! Lets see... you smile a lot now, you cry a little less, you sleep wonderfully from 8-11 hours straight. When its the 8 hours you go back to sleep for a few more! You adore your mama! You hair is getting even longer if that is possible! You love to take naps in your swing in fact you prefer it! You are less fussy in the evenings! You are still breast feeding like a champ! You have been and done so many things in these 2 short months... you have been to Tampa, Bradenton, Daytona beach, been on the beach, been to the zoo, been to the mall and basically everywhere in between!

Son you are really great and I adore you. I miss you so much when I am away. Thank you Lord for this little boy. Bless his life and help his life to be long and bountiful!!! I can't wait till you and your brother really start playing together! Well we love you and your smiling little self!!
Love, Mama

Smiling and Almost 21 months!

Oh my little boys how I completly adore you both! Pierce you are alsmost 21 months and you grow up more and more everyday. You still go to school and you love it. Everyday you are learning more and more words. Just the other day you learned to say "Love You" it sounds like "Love Lou" but I adore it. You tell me it all the time and I melt. YOu can now sayd Daddy instead of "dada" we are working on the "MOmmy" You call your grandmas "mimi" now if we consistantly remind you to if not you call them "mama" :). You are quite the athlete and everyone things you will be some type of athletic star when you grow up. But you are certainly well rounded as well. You love to sing, dance, draw and color, and you love your share of makeup and painted toe nails. So really you are a beautiful well rounded little boy. I love you so so much and I never want to forget these times with you.

You seem to be adjusting to your new brother well but you do act out when I am feeding him. I know its hard but you are going to be a great brother to him and one day you will thank me for giving you a brother so close in age to you. You guys will be best buds. You love to hold your brother but I often have to take him after a few min b/c you get a little rough. But you do pretty darn well! Just to share a little something that you did the other day. I was on the phone feeding your brother and you walk up with a micraphone I thought you were going to sing. Instead you pegged it at my head and hit me RIGHT on top of my head! I had to laugh but next time I will have to put you in time out. The same night we were snuggling on my bed like we always do b/f you were to go to bed. Again I was feeding your brother. You went from trying to kick him in the head to attacking me. You got me in a choke hold and tried to rip my earring off. I think you wanted attention you were laughing hysterically the whole time. I finally fling you off of me and I run to the computer chair with Hayden for protection and you run charging at me to attack again of course laughing. I see your toy truck and show you it you grab it and your off. SAVED BY THE TRUCK! You are a silly little boy. WEll you do melt my heart. You are so beautiful little boy!

Well my boy Hayden! You are pretty amazing yourself. At about 6.5 weeks you started smiling when you looked at me and on demand. I love it. You smile most for me of course thats because I hold you most. You coo and you grin and you are sooo handsome. YOu look so much like your Daddy. Me and your mimi were talking today and we think you will be tall and handsome like your daddy. Your brother will likely be shorter than you but he will be pretty like his mama! :-). You are a solid little boy and a FABULOUS nurser! I feel so blessed to be able to actually nurse you and Im sad I missed out on this bonding with your brother. You still take a bottle when needed but about 95% of the time you nurse. You do get one bottle of 2 ounces of formula a night to hold you over and you do great! You sleep on average 8-10 hours straight and after you get up to feed you go back to bed till 8:00am! You are amazing and I God certainly knows what I need!

Well boys I love you both so much and am so thankful to be your Mommy! I can't wait to see how much more you both will change! I love you boys! Don't grow up to fast!

Hayden you are 1 month old

Hayden you turned 1 month old yesterday. You aren't doing to much yet but you are a lot more alert. I feel like we have finally gotten to know eachother after a very long and tring month and I have fallen so head over heals in love with you. Son you are wonderful and different and beautiful and I just can't believe that you came from me and your Daddy. You are just so different than you brother in your looks and I adore that. I adore you long beautiful brown/black hair. I can't believe that you have that much. You are just so wonderful son and i can wait to have many more months with you. I love you little boy and the months to come are going to be so awesome! Thank you JEsus for my boys!